Your Life - Who's In Charge?

Depression & Shame: Identity or Mammal Brain Survival?

This post is in response to a number of questions about depression, low self-esteem, and shame. Surrender and lowering one's rank in the pack, herd, or tribe are Mammal Brain survival responses to keep us from fighting when we can't win and to preserve the society's order and hierarchy.
In humans, the chemical reactions that lower aggression and notify us that we are not the "top dog," are too often interpreted and experienced as shame, depression, and low self-esteem.You feel bad and even depressed often because you've been "put down" and forced to surrender in order to avoid further injury, punishment, and abandonment. That is, some forms of depression are a lowering of physical aggression. See Awaken Your Strongest Self [McGraw-Hill, 2006] for ways of over-riding lower brain programmed reactions with your "new human brain" choices and the positive assertion of your ability and worth.

See Neil Fiore's new blog: http://neilfiore.blogspot.com
and Upcoming Events:

Mar. 26, Mon. with Dr. Meg Jordan www.healthradio.net
download interview with Dr. Fiore about Awaken Your Strongest Self
http://www.healthradio.net/archives/20070326/13meg

Mar. 31 & Apr. 7 Seminar UC Berkeley Extension 510 642 4111
Awaken Your Strongest Self: Access Your New Human Brain
http://www.unex.berkeley.edu/cat/course1186.html

April issue of Elle, p. 269 on "Losing Your Ambition?"
Apr. 11, Wed., Book Signing at Cody's Berkeley at 7 PM Pacific

Listen to podcast of Oct 13 for a summary of Awaken
6:18 PM PDT, October 13, 2006, updated at 11:43 AM PDT, October 17, 2006
o TIP 1: Observe your immediate reactions to stress for a few days and label them old habits and ancient survival "defaults" that need to be updated to fit your current challenges, mission, and goals. Shift perspective to gain control.
o TIP 2: Consider that many forms of depression and shame may be ancient (mammal brain) survival mechanisms that lower aggression to keep you from fighting in situations where you can't win, so you can try again another day. The salute and handshake are modern ways of showing respect and that you have no weapons. Use your new human brain to maintain your worth, stop the shame, and override any lower brain archaic reactions that no longer fit.
o For more tips see http://www.neilfiore.com "Free Articles and Tips."

Oct. 13, Friday 5 pm PDT 8 pm EDT Interview with Neil Fiore
12:18 AM PDT, October 13, 2006, updated at 4:56 PM PDT, October 16, 2006
To listen to an interview with the author speaking about Awaken Your Strongest Self, click on:
http://www.talkshoe.com/talkshoe/web/talkCast.jsp?masterId=1833 and scroll down to
10/13/06 and click on either "Download" or "Listen"
This show will be archived and downloadable via itunes

Neil Fiore seminar in San Francisco Nov. 18 Saturday
10:43 AM PDT, September 18, 2006, updated at 12:27 PM PDT, October 3, 2006
Nov. 16: Listen to an hour-long interview with Dr. Neil Fiore talking about Awaken Your Strongest Self on Thursday, Nov. 16, 6 a.m. New York time, 9 a.m. California time.
Click on: http://www.worldtalkradio.com/show.asp?sid=157

Nov. 18: For all-day seminar in San Francisco on Saturday, Nov. 18 see link to UC Berkeley Extension catalogue: http://www.unex.berkeley.edu/cat/course1186.html
use Awaken Your Strongest Self to "Access Your Higher Brain."
When you take charge of your life you are using your brain's leadership functions and shifting to the perspective of your "Strongest Self."
Exercises and concepts adapted from research on the stages of change, optimal performance strategies, and the martial arts help you learn to put your new human brain in charge so you get unstuck from old patterns and achieve your higher goals and values.

Sept. 30: Awaken Your Strongest Self was introduced on Sept. 30 at an all-day seminar at The Smithsonian, Washington DC.

Your Life - Who's In Charge?: Fiore's new book: Awaken Your Strongest Self

Tips to Expand Your Identity & Achieve Your Goals
Neil Fiore, PhD, author of The Now Habit
Awaken Your Strongest Self [McGraw-Hill, 2006]

• Stop trying to achieve goals with only a limited part of your total capabilities––
learn how to connect to the rest of your body and to your Strongest Self

• Stop waiting to feel confident, motivated, and all-knowing before taking action

• End self-sabotage by integrating all parts of you into a cooperative team––
learn how to conduct effective committee meetings with your inner team members

• Use the techniques of athletes to instantly re-focus on your vision & commitment–– learn how to Work and play In The Zone with resources beyond the ego’s ability

• Help a friend who has your problem and notice how wise you become––learn how to see problems from a new perspective and to treat yourself with greater compassion

• Say, “That’s not like me.” when you repeat a negative pattern; then wait for a truer, nobler, stronger Self to awaken

• Accept the support of something larger and wiser than your ego and conscious
mind––your Strongest Self and its deeper resources

©2006 Neil Fiore, PhD. Permission granted to copy or distribute this material, in its complete unaltered form, as long as the copyright and this contact information is included: Neil Fiore, PhD.
Awaken to Your Strongest Self: Break Free of Stress, Inner Conflict, and Self-Sabotage
www.neilfiore.com www.yourstrongestself.com neil@neilfiore.com 510 525 2673

Pub Date: October 2006, McGraw-Hill
ISBN: 0071470263
$21.95/Hardcover

To Optimize Your Productivity:
Focus on just doing the job and not on judging your worth.
Focus on what the task requires not on avoiding criticism.
Focus on human excellence not perfection.
Focus on doing what you can do NOW; not on what another person does or on what you think you should be able do if things were ideal.
Focus on facts as facts to be dealt with, not as problems, obstacles or enemies.
Focus on HOW to clean up the spilled milk, not on WHY you spilled the milk.

Go to my new website to learn about Productivity Hypnosis CDs
© 2005, Neil Fiore, PhD, 510 525 2673, neil@neilfiore.com www.neilfiore.com www.yourstrongestself.com
Permission to reprint this article is granted only if the copyright and contact information above is included.

Minimize Your Fear of Cold Calling, Marketing, and Starting
Neil Fiore

These steps were not derived from any sales training manuals. This article offers the human, psychological perspective that is missing from most of those manuals. However, these steps are based on conversations with people in sales - Insurance, Real Estate, Retail, and Services – and our coaching sessions and motivational seminars. These steps are also intended for anyone who delays on making calls - business or personal.

To minimize your resistance to cold calling, take a Self-Leadership role in facing fear:

1. Prepare for Rejection.
To deal with Fear of Rejection - one of main reasons we avoid worthwhile projects – do the “worst-case scenario” drill. A) Answer all the “what ifs” that repeat in your head. Answer all fears/”what if’s” with “This is what I will do if . . .” [NOTE: Do not say, “It’s okay.” And please, please, never say, “You told me to say ‘It’s okay.’ but it didn’t work.”]
B) Be honest [not positive] about what you expect your initial reactions to be. For example: “First, I’d cry, hate myself; make myself anxious and depressed for six months, like I did last time.”
C) Get used to recognizing your initial reactions as just that, “initial reactions,” that will be followed by corrective, stronger actions such as step 2.

2. Build Your Psychological and Emotional Safety Net.
Find a way to accept yourself, no matter what. This is what your Worrying-“What if”- mind needs to know – “Wake-up and tell me the plan for survival.” You need to build the inner safety and acceptance with yourself that says:
“Regardless of what happens, I will be on your side. I will never abandon you.” Or
“Regardless of what happens; regardless of what anyone says or thinks, your worth is safe with me.”

How did Michael Jordan respond in 1993 to the “What if’s” of the reporters when he quit basketball to play baseball?
He showed amazing leadership ability of his inner team by responding to the “what ifs” with:
“You’re not always going to be successful in life. I can accept failure. What I will not accept from myself is not trying [that is, I’m a leader who chooses to take risks]. If I fail, I won’t feel bad [that is, I won’t make you - my worrying mind - feel bad]. I’m strong enough as a person to face failure and move on.”

If that dialogue represents any of Michael’s leadership vision for his life, you can bet that the inner team is going to show to do its best and take the risks. It knows that there isn’t going to be a lot of self-criticism, anxiety, or depression if they fail. Under Michael’s leadership, they can face failure, learn from mistakes, and move on.

2. Choose Growth over Comfort.
Make it one of your top priorities to rapidly confront discomfort, fear, self-doubt, or
lack of confidence. Never let "I don't want to" or "I'm afraid" be reasons for avoiding
a worthwhile goal or challenge. Choose to show up and get your Fear-Inoculation
Shot.

3. Don’t wait to confident or motivated. Choose to act like a leader.
Lacking confidence, motivation, or even knowledge is not an excuse for inaction. You don’t have to want a root canal [or to complete your Income Tax forms and pay your taxes] in order to take action.
Instead, ignite your curiosity about what will happen when you choose to show up and face something you don't know yet how to do. Tell yourself: "Soon you will know something you don't know yet." "This is going to be interesting." "I will land this one or something better."
Put the creative part of your brain on alert: I'm expecting a creative solution. Going from not-knowing to knowing is the essence of creative problem solving. Expect a surprise!


4. Practice strategic cramming. Deadlines work. Give yourself personal deadlines.
Face your list of calls and see how many you can make in 15-30 minutes. If a project is overwhelming, commit to exploring it for only 5-10 hours this week. You'll be breaking through the inertia and be onto momentum and motivation. Then decide if the project deserves investing another 10 hours next week. In the first 5-10 hours you will reach a critical mass of knowledge to build on as well as confidence that the creative genius in you can go rapidly from not-knowing to knowing – creative problem-solving and working in the Zone.

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Where your talents and the needs of the world cross, there lies your vocation.
- Aristotle
A Law of Physics: A body at rest remains at rest; a body in motion tends to stay in motion.
A Law of Productivity: Break through the inertia and you will find momentum and motivation.
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Permission to use this article is granted only if the following contact information and copyright is included.
© 2004 Neil Fiore. All rights reserved. Neil Fiore is a psychologist, speaker, and Life Coach in Berkeley, CA. Sign up for his newsletter and free articles at http://www.neilfiore.com Email: neil@neilfiore.com 510/ 525 - 2673.
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I need your help. A publisher is telling me I need to change "It's Your Life - Who's In Charge?" to a book more focused on Self-healing rather than Psychology/Self-Help/How To/Improvement. - all "so yesterday."
The same strategies that are in "It's Your Life" apply, only now they take on a spiritual/mystical sense of wonder and expectancy for miracles.
The reader still learns how to Let Go of Ego by shifting to a higher Self, only now does so in order to attain mind-body-spirit healing.
The same qualities of Inner Peace apply, only now with the implication of being good for your physical, spiritual, and psychological health.

What do you think? Change to the new concept/paradigm _____ or keep the original ____

Ladies and Gentlemen, your input is essential to our mental and physical health.